Have you heard of a lifestyle photoshoot? I had not heard this term until about a month ago. Now the Badder-Meinhof Phenomenon is kicking into overdrive. I can’t go a single day without seeing a “sneak peak” from someone’s lifestyle photoshoot.
For those that have not heard the term. A lifestyle photoshoot is where a photographer follows you around and takes pictures of your daily life. I call bullshit on 99% of these photoshoots from “daily life”. Where are the pictures of kids throwing a tantrum? Where are the photos of you cleaning up the “gifts” that the dog left for you in the back yard? What about pictures of you while you snore through the night. Yes, I know it’s creepy. I’m sure you can find a professional photographer to take pictures of you sleeping. If not, Craigslist to the rescue!
Now that I’m back in the USA I thought that some of you would like to see the luxurious life that I live. To accomplish this I followed myself around with a camera for 20 minutes. This is about as real as life gets.
Without further ado, I present 20 minutes of my life.
Here I am sitting on the couch. I’m eating awful tortilla chips. They are only $1.00 at Fry’s so I can’t complain. Other than the ones that cut into the roof of your mouth. Don’t you hate that feeling? There is a good chance that my mouth is bleeding profusely from chip shrapnel.
Oh Oh! Something exciting happened on the show. I’m watching Lifetime because it just makes perfect sense. You watch Lifetime while doing a lifestyle photoshoot, duh. Please observe that I am still eating these horrible chips while holding the remote. Like a REAL man, I cannot allow the remote to be removed from the grip of my phalanges.
My camera is full of 658 photos of me sitting on the couch. I’ll spare you the agony.
Here I am plucking an eyebrow. I can’t allow this unibrow to get out of control. I need to be “on fleek” or whatever the these kids say nowadays. Kids! Ha! Now I’m starting to sound like a cynical old man.
If you look closely you can see that my skin is being pulled up as the root exits the dermis.
Now I’m setting up the tripod. I captured this incredible moment before plucking my eyebrows. If you look closely you can see a pool floatation apparatus on my bathroom counter. My four year old refuses to take a bath with out it. Don’t judge!
While taking these photos my wife came home from the store. The old taste buds started to go crazy as I saw her unloading an armful of cookies. Upon further exploration my heart shattered. The cookies are not gluten free :(.
Alright, alright I know you want to see more of this crazy life I live in the USA.
Next up you can see me working!
HAHAHA Just Kidding! I don’t work!
Please enjoy this picture of me looking like an idiot instead.